What now?
by mioneskywalker
Summary: Why wasn't Quinn at the memorial? After all she was his first girlfriend. Was because she just couldn't deal with it or was there another reason as to why she didn't come. Kurt needs to know. will his search for answers put Quinn and Rachel together? T for now.
1. Kurt

**This is going to be my first fic, and I hope the only one, to deal with Finn's death. Yes, it is a faberry fic. And fear not my readers this fic is completed so it won't get in the way of the others. I wasn't planning to write more fics, but it just came to me. **

**Summary: Why wasn't Quinn at the memorial? After all she was his first girlfriend. Was because she just couldn't deal with it or was there another reason as to why she didn't come. Kurt needs to know. will his search for answers put Quinn and Rachel together? T for now.**

* * *

Rachel! _Here!_ Kurt! _Here!_ Blaine! _Here!_ Santana! _Here!_ Quinn! _Here!_ Brittany! _Here!_ Mercedes! _Here!_ Puck! _Here!_ Tina! _Here!_ Mike! _Here!_ Artie! _Here!_ Finn! …

* * *

Life goes on no matter what. Time doesn't stop. People carry on with their lives. It's just the way it is. In one moment you have this picture of your future and there are all the people you love and then all of a sudden one of your loved ones is roughly taken away from this picture.

They are not in your future anymore; they won't see you get married or graduate. They are not going to be there period and you have to find a way to carry on. Because life goes on no matter what.

Yes, we are all aware that death is part of life, but there's something so unnatural and saddening and just plain wrong about a premature death. About dying at such a young age when people were supposed to be living and enjoying their youth. Kurt knows it won't be easy, especially for his best friend.

But they are getting through it together and they are going to need each other now that the initial state of shock has passed.

"So as you can see, I'm perfectly fine, I'm eating properly and there's no losing weight." Kurt says playfully as her parents smile at him, they are in the loft's kitchen.

"What about Rachel?" Carole asks concerned. The fashionable boy sighs heavily.

"She is okay. I guarantee you. It's been almost a year so, you know." The couple nods as Carole's eyes are filled with unshed tears.

"So how is the gang?" Burt tries to light up the mood.

"We're all right, I mean as far as we can manage to be, taking into consideration that we used to pick on each other when we spent just a couple of hours together back in high school." He giggles genuinely happy. "Anyways we're all cool."

"I'm really proud of you guys, not everybody can manage to have what you guys have. You are all pretty close."

"Not all of us though."

"What are you talking about?" Burt asks.

"Remember when Blaine and I visited Brittany? Cause Santana asked me to check on her as she couldn't do it because well it was complicated; they're Brittany and Santana."

"What about it?"

"It was… I can't even… Well, we spent the day just comforting each other."

"I can imagine." Carole smiles melancholic.

"Brittany had a reason as to she did not go to the memorial."

"Kurt…" Burt sighs.

"I tried to call Quinn." He continues as his voice gets bitter."Nothing. She ignored me. Apparently she and Santana are still in touch but nothing too special."

"You can't judge her son; every person grieves in their own way."

"Yeah, I just don't think Quinn Fabray is capable of such thing as grieving."

"Kurt!" Burt gets upset. "Help me here." He turns to his wife.

"What? Why should I defend the girl who fooled my son and lied about the identity of the father of her unborn child?"

"What's wrong with you two? Judging that girl like that? She is in pain just like the rest of us."

"How do you know?" Kurt asks petulantly when deeply he wants to believe his father so badly.

"I met Judy Fabray one day and she was truly concerned about me and Carole, and especially…" Burt smiles sadly."Especially Rachel." He finishes.

"What do you mean especially Rachel?" Kurt asks curious.

"I don't know, she asked a lot of questions about her. I didn't even know she even knew that much about Rachel."

"Huh..." Kurt gets thoughtful.

"Anyway, I think she mentioned about Quinn being sad."

"Oh… Quinn is sad." He scorns. "Touching." Kurt adds sarcastically.

"Kurt, I don't get it. Why is it so important if she is sad or not?"

"She was his ex girlfriend." Kurt states sadly.

"His first but..." Burt starts.

"Can we stop talking about this?" Carole asks with a barely there voice.

"Oh my God I'm so sorry, yeah we can stop talking about this." He nods, hating himself for bringing up that subject."You guys are in my city! We should be celebrating."

* * *

Even though for Rachel it was a little bit difficult to have Carole around at first, in the end she was genuinely happy at the prospect of having the woman in her life. It was fun having his father and Carole in the city. When the couple left, Kurt couldn't help but noticed that the mood was really light.

"What's going on in this glittery head of yours?" Santana pushes his shoulder with her shoulder. They are sitting on the living room couch.

"Am I seeing you being concerned about me?" He teases.

"No, you're seeing things." She says casually. "You're avoiding my question."

"Have you been talking to Quinn?" He asks all of sudden.

"Quinn?" She frowns as she is musing.

"Yes, Quinn."

"Yeah… I mean, nothing special, you know her."

"Do I?" He says bitterly.

"What are you talking about?" Santana stares at him as if he had grown a second head.

"Nothing…" He sighs. "I still think it weird that she didn't come to…" He lowers his voice because he doesn't want Rachel to hear them. "Finn's memorial." Kurt finishes.

"Kurt I don't know what you're thinking, but Quinn is not that cold, okay?" She takes a deep breath, she hates when she gets emotional. "She still is our friend, let's not assume anything." He nods ever so slightly."Okay?"

"Okay." He smiles weakly.

"Besides, Rachel pretty much worships the ground Fabray walks on as if it was sacred or something."

Santana rolls her eyes as Kurt chuckles amused at the true statement.

"She will be mad at you for being mad at Quinn."

"Yeah you're right."

"I always am." She smiles.

"How they ended up being friends is a mystery to me. I never thought it was possible. For me there were only two options, they would kill each other, and this scenario used to be very attractive to me or-"

"What are you guys talking about?" Rachel joins them in the living room.

"How..." Santana starts talking.

"We loved my father and Carole's visit." Kurt cuts Santana off.

"Yeah it was great." Rachel says smiling.

* * *

After they had dinner and watched some TV, they headed to bed. But Kurt's thoughts were making it impossible for him to sleep. He didn't have the opportunity to ask Santana to finish what she was going to say before Rachel interrupted them though and he doesn't know why it is so important.

After some time fidgeting in his bed thinking about a certain blonde he eventually falls asleep.

Until he is…

"_Fabulous as ever!" Kurt says at his reflection, he is staring at his mirror inside his locker. Distracted as he was he didn't see what is coming toward him._

_One second later and all he heard was loud noise as his body went crashing into the cold metal of the lockers._

"_That's for being a freak!" David Karofsky shouts as he walks away from Kurt. He sighs and stands up, straightened up his clothes, he takes his stuff and walks with his chin up. He won't let David put him down this time._

_He spots something, a scene he is so familiar with. He stood still watching his best friend and his step brother. He smiles and as he looks away he sees her. Quinn is staring at the couple too, only she was not smiling. Kurt gets curious and tries to get close but Quinn turns around and leaves._

_He walks and searches for her everywhere until he finally finds her._

_She is in that Christian club, beautiful as ever with her perfect short blonde hair. Sitting in such a impose way. _

_Suddenly the dream changes and this time there is no Mercedes, or Sam, or teen Jesus. It's just him and Quinn sitting in the room._

"_Why didn't you come? I thought you loved him."_

"_I did... I still do."_

"_Rachel needed you. You know how she cares about you. I just want to know why?"_

"_Ask Santana."_

"_What?"_

"_Ask Santana…" Her voice is muffled now. He can barely hear her._

"_Why?"_

He shouts but it becomes useless as she disappears and the sound of his alarm clock on his phone startles him and brings him back to reality. It was just a dream, a strange dream, but a dream nonetheless. He sighs.

"Ask Santana?" He gets confused as he tries to remember his dream.

_Quinn and who else was there... Oh yeah David!_

"_For me there were only two options or they would kill each other and this scenario used to be very attractive to me or ..."_

"It can't be…" He needs to talk to Santana immediately. Usually he wouldn't dare to wake up his friend. But he can't wait any longer.

"Santana." He whispers in her ear.

After lots of attempts the girl finally wakes up.

"What the hell Hummel!" She sits up startled. "What do you want?!" But as soon as she lays her eyes on him she gets concerned. "What's wrong?"

"You know I wouldn't wake you if it wasn't extremely important." He whispers as he doesn't want to wake up Rachel.

"I would hope so; otherwise I would have to hurt you."

"First I'd like you to finish what you were about to say before Rachel interrupted us yesterday. You were saying: for me there were only two options or they would kill each other or…" He gestures to her to continue.

"Are you kidding me? Is that why you woke me up? I can't beli-"

"Santana." He says lower but firmly. She frowns but obliges, something about his attitude is making her worried.

"Or…" She sighs. "They would end up in bed together." She finishes and he runs his fingers through his hair.

"I need you to tell me something about Quinn. I don't know how to put this into words, but uh..." He stops as he is pondering the best way to say what he wants to say. "She grew up with a conservative background, I know she is your friend and Brittany's and mine too, she is very acceptable regarding her friends." He pauses."But do you recall something that made your gaydar tingle? Like I don't know a look or a suspicious behavior anything like that?"

Santana smirks pleased and Kurt notices that she looks like she is having a flashback or something. She finally says:

"Well, we had sex with each other ... twice does that count?"

"You what?!" He manages to keep his voice low despite his utter shock.

"I really felt tingles though." She lifts her eyebrows up twice as a smirk appears on her face.

"I have to go."

"What? Why? Where are you going?"

Without other word he heads to his room and starts gathering the things he thinks it will be need for a quick trip.

"Kurt?" Santana questions him again as she walks into his room.

"Look I can't explain now, not with Rachel here."

"What about me?" Rachel approaches them.

"Nothing sweetie." He gets close to her and caresses her hair. "I need to do something, a friend needs me now."

"That's bullshit!" Santana yells. "You're lying to us."

"I'm not lying." He turns to Santana. "I'm gonna need you by the way. I'll send you a text."

"Kurt, you'll have to start making sense, because you honestly are not right now." Rachel says as she is starting to get worried about her best friend demeanor.

"I can't tell you now, but everything is okay I promise. If Blaine... Oh never mind, he won't be back today anyhow."

Blaine is out of town visiting his mother.

After his morning routine and after he ate his breakfast he is ready to go.

"You're really not going to tell us where you're going?"

Rachel tries again and he smiles at her. Yeah, there's no way he could tell Rachel where he is going.

"Nope, and if everything goes right, I see you guys tonight." He winks and goes towards the front door.

"Tonight?! But, what about my… Kurt!" Rachel stomps her foot.

"You better not be doing drugs or something stupid like that or cheating." Santana warns him and he is not sure if she is serious or not. He rolls his eyes and walks away from the loft.

* * *

The first thing he thinks after he sits in a seat on the train is:

"These are some freaking expensive tickets." He says to himself. Did Quinn really buy two of these passes, just under the pretense that she wanted her and Rachel to keep in touch?

Then he remembers that he needs to text Santana. He needs her to send him Quinn's address; he couldn't ask Rachel of course. He sends her the text adding that she can't tell Rachel where he is going.

Santana sends him the address and then she sends him another message.

**Santana**: _Is something wrong? Why are you going to New Haven?_

**Kurt**: _As I said before a friend needs me. But I promise it's nothing to be worried about._

**Santa**na: _Okay I'm trusting in you._

**Kurt**: _S...Quinn and Rachel._

**Santana**: _What about them?_

**Kurt**: _It's a little game. Quinn bought two very expensive metro passes for her and Rachel. Now it's your turn. Tell me something she did for Rachel that was so peculiar._

**Santana**: _Why? What are you up to Kurt?_

**Kurt**: _I'm pretty sure you know something. You started this lady, now go on._

**Santana**: _How did I start it?_

**Kurt**: _Just go on._

**Santana**: _At our senior prom Quinn won prom Queen. She asked me to help her change the votes, so that Rachel could win._

**Kurt**: _OMG!_

**Santana**: _The_ _yearbook picture thing in sophomore year? She blackmailed Sue._

**Kurt**: _But that one was not really about Rachel_

**Santana**: _Did you want that picture? Cause I know I didn't._

**Kurt**: _Yeah! You're right! Rachel was the only one who wanted the picture._

**Santana**: _What are you doing Kurt. Really?_

Kurt takes a deep breath, until now this theory (if he can call it that) was only in his thoughts, but now it's about to be exposed to someone else. He starts typing again.

**Kurt**: _Remember when Brittany was dating Artie and you were mad at him all the time? Badmouthing him whenever you could?_

He knows it's a little harsh to remind her of her relationship with Brittany, but he couldn't think of anything else in the moment.

**Santana**: _Yeah_

**Santana**: _What does it have to with Quinn though?_

**Kurt:** _I need you to go back in time. Think about how it was like at that time. Then imagine if one day you woke up to the news that Artie had passed away. How it would make you feel?_

This time the answer doesn't come right away and he can even hear the engineers of her brain working... Well, kind of.

**Santana**: _OMG!_

Yes, she had figured it out.

* * *

It would have been a real pleasure to look around the Yale campus, but he had no time for that at the present moment, which means he had no intentions of engaging in a Quinn Fabray search. As soon as he finished talking to Santana he called Quinn. Fortunately, this time the girl answers.

"_Kurt?"_

"Yes."

"_Hi. I..."_

"Quinn honey…" He cuts her off. "I'm on my way to Yale; I'm half way there actually. We need to talk. I know you probably have classes today, but this is very important."

"_Wait, you're what?"_

"I'm visiting you." He tries to be laid back.

"_Uh… I…"_

"Don't say anything okay. Like I said, we need to talk."

"_Do you know how to get here?"_

"Yes, Santana gave me the address with the location of your dorm's building."

"_Okay, see you when you get here then."_

"Yeah I guess you will."

He hangs up and is surprised by a stream of tears running down his cheeks. He wipes it right away, it's not that he is against tears, but he can't deal with it right now. He has a guess that his meeting with the blonde will be very emotional.

Hours later and he is standing in front of Quinn's dorm room front door. One knock and the door is open and just like that, by seeing Quinn, he reminds of how much he cares about the blonde girl standing in front of him. Actually, he loves her just as much as he loves the others.

"Hi." She greets him with a half smile.

"Hi there." He gets close and hugs her quickly. The first thing Quinn notices when he let her go is that he has been crying and then all of sudden she is panicking.

"Kurt, what's wrong?" He is taken aback by her torn voice."You've been crying. What's wrong? Tell me!" He wouldn't have come to Yale because some fight with Blaine he has Rachel and Santana for that. So Blaine is a no, she is barely breathing now.

"Rachel is okay." Kurt says kindly as he notices how pale she got.

Quinn breathes a sigh of relief. But then she frowns thoughtful. It was kind of weird that Kurt assumed she was worried about Rachel. Kurt watches her. He knows what she was thinking and he doesn't want to waste any more time.

"I know." He says meaningful.

"Know what?" She asks confused.

"I know." He says again and smiles. "Can I come in?" She nods and steps out of the way so he can get inside.

"My roommate is not here. I shouldn't be here either but… what are you doing here Kurt?"

He analyses the room for a brief moment, the place is quite acceptable for a dorm, he thinks then he concentrates on the task at hand and turns back to face Quinn.

"I was pissed with you." He says honestly. "I was very pissed. I tried to call you…"

She gulps knowingly, so that is the reason why he is 'visiting' her? Couldn't he just let it go? It doesn't matter anymore. _He_ is gone and nothing will change it. She couldn't go to the memorial; she didn't deserve to be part of that moment.

She stares at her friend; all she wants in this moment is to tell him to go away. Really, she doesn't need to feel more guilty than she already is.

"But I had some clarity." He continues. "I thought you were the one who was dealing with Finn's death better than all of us."

Quinn closes her eyes as the air was been taken from her lungs at his mention of Finn's death.

"I thought you had carried on with your life and I got mad because you weren't at the memorial."

"You came here to..."

"But I was wrong." He cuts her off. "You're the one who is dealing with it in the worst way possible, pushing your friends away. I know what you're planning to do and I'm going to stop you before you even start it. You won't push her away just as a form of self punishment. I won't let you."

"I don't know what you're talking about." She says angrily, face hardening, she is trying to build up her walls, Kurt knows it. But he won't let her.

"I'm talking about the fact that you're in love with Rachel!" He says rather louder than he intended.

"Get out!" She shouts abruptly. "Just go!" She demands.

"No!" He shakes his head. "I'm not leaving! It was not your fault Quinn!"

"I don't want you here!" And so, tears start running down her face. "Please just go Kurt." She begs whining.

"It wasn't your fault."

He gets closer and she starts crying harder which leads him to get even closer. Kurt tries to hug her but she fights him. She fights him over and over, but he is determined, he wraps his arms around her shoulders tightly, her face on his chest, she is shaking with the intensity of her sobs. After a few more seconds of fighting his embrace she finally gives in. She clutches her hands at the back of his jacket and cries loosely.

"It hurts so much Kurt." She says and soon she is taken by an onslaught of tears and sobs again.

"I know. I know." He can't do anything as his own tears starts wetting his cheeks. "We're going to be okay." He says kindly, as he was really trying to believe in his own words.

* * *

**I will appreciate every review. **

**There will be 4 chapters; maybe I can write an epilogue if people get interested. Let's see.**


	2. Quinn

**Here it is! **

**Just to remember that i don't own Glee.**

* * *

_**December 2013, One Month Ago.**_

As soon as she steps inside her bedroom she drops her purse on her bed and releases her breathe. She is tired; this year has been definitely a heavy year. Of course it had nothing to do with her college's obligations. It's been a while now, but it still hurts. She is pushing all of them away, except for Puck maybe, it would be impossible to do that to him, because the whole Beth thing, besides Puck is far away now, and they only share a couple of messages, nothing else, but the rest of them? Yeah, she's been avoiding them, especially _her_.

Quinn is home, for winter break. Frannie and her husband are going to celebrate the Christmas with Judy and her. She should be happy about this, but not even this can take her from her state of mind.

She looks around her room and sighs audibly. Yes, she is exhausted and that's why she changes her clothes, throws herself on her bed, and falls asleep right away.

She just wakes up the next day. She gets out of bed and after she cleans herself up she goes downstairs.

Leaning on the kitchen's door frame she watches her sister and her mother talking. What makes her smile; it is something she's learned, to appreciate the small moments. You can never know… She shakes her head as she pushes those thoughts away to greet her family.

"Morning guys."

"Morning sweetie."

Judy gets close and kisses her cheek. It would be a strange scene years ago, but apparently Judy came back to her senses and has decided to be a real mother after she almost lost her daughter in that car accident.

"Morning sis." Quinn says to her sister.

"Morning sis. So, what do you want to eat? Let me guess? Bacon?"

Quinn smiles and nods, and she notices pleased that she is happy to have her family together.

It is just after Christmas and after Frannie left that Judy brings the subject up.

"Honey?"

"Yes?"

"Can we talk?"

"Sure what's the matter?" Quinn puts her lap top away as her mother sits on her bed.

"I couldn't help but notice that you have yet to visit your friends. I mean, you guys were inseparable." Judy smiles at her daughter.

The blonde girl bites down on her bottom lip. "Well…" She sighs. "They're not here actually."

That is actually true.

"Santana, Kurt and well Rachel are in New York. Puck didn't come home; he is Jewish so he really doesn't celebrate Christmas."

Judy nods.

"I don't know about the rest."

"That's my point sweetie, this is not normal. I've noticed that you are not as close to them as you used to be."

"It's not like that mom." Quinn exhales heavily.

"I know what this is about Quinn. I know you well enough. I know you don't like it, but sometimes we need to open up ourselves, it's painful I know. But-"

"Mom…"

"I just have one question and I promise I won't bother you again."

Quinn nods and waits her mother's question.

"Were you still in love with him?"

This is it, she can't take it anymore. The guilt is eating at her. She needs to be honest with her mother, but doing that can only mean one thing: coming out. She starts crying, like really crying and Judy wastes no time, she gets closer and embraces her daughter.

"It's all right. I'm here."

Quinn shakes her head

"You won't be."

"What?" Judy pulls away.

"I need to tell you something. Something that I know will change everything between us."

"Quinnie."

"No, I wasn't in love with Finn. I mean I loved him so much that I would do anything for him." She sobs."But he was just my friend. But no, I didn't love him like that, not even when we were dating."

"I figured that out as you know you, Noah and Beth…" Judy trails off and Quinn smiles weakly. "But then you got back together with him again. why?"

"For stupid reasons."

"Is that why you're like this? Are you feeling guilty or something? Because you weren't honest with him? Honey you were just a teenager, you…"

"It's not that."

"What is it then?"

Her heart is speeding so fast that she is sure it will jump out of her mouth any second. She wasn't planning to come out any time before graduation. Quinn is not completely certain that her mother will kick her out or something, but she knows for sure that it will be difficult for Judy to accept the concept.

Is she gay? If someone had asked that question before she had sex with Santana, she wouldn't know how to answer; all she knew was that she was madly in love and that the person was a girl. Now though? It makes sense, but she just doesn't want to put a label on her sexuality yet. She knows she like girls, of course and above all things, and despite having been in denial for much of her high school career, she was and still is in love with Rachel Berry.

The Rachel Berry, the same one who almost married Finn Hudson. Finn the guy she dated, the guy she cheated on, the guy who broke up with her at a funeral, the guy she hated because he had Rachel, but he was also the guy that made it impossible for her to hate him as he was the most sweet and decent guy she met and now he is the guy that is dead.

"Remember my accident?" Judy takes a deep breath and nods. "At first I wasn't going to the wedding. I could not agree with that. Rachel was just too young and I knew she was doing that because she was scared. She was afraid of not achieving her goals or her dreams. But I knew she would get there, no matter how or when. I just wanted her to see that. I told her that, we argued about it a lot. Kurt was the only one who agreed with me."

Keeping tight lipped, she runs her fingers through her hair as her eyes are filled with unshed tears.

"I didn't want her to marry him." She shakes her head. "I truly believed that it was a terrible decision. But that wasn't the only reason."

Quinn sighs because Judy didn't get it yet, but of course there's something about Rachel being the center of this conversation that put her mother in alert.

They were talking about Finn right? Sure, the girl was his fiancé, or was at least. Does Quinn hate the girl for that? Is that what this is all about? It couldn't be that, Quinn said herself she never loved the boy. Maybe her daughter is feeling guilty because she was against the marriage and now that he is gone, she wishes she could have been more supportive, yes that must be it. Judy thinks as she smiles to comfort her daughter.

"Deep down and though I…" Quinn stops as the urge to cry is stronger than her. "And though I-" She tries to continue as the tears run down her face. "Though I knew it would never have happened. I wanted her to choose me."

"It's-" Judy is about to say something to comfort her daughter when she realizes what Quinn just said. "You what?"

Silence.

"Yeah… you heard right mom. I'm in love with Rachel."

"Oh…" Judy eyes widen.

"I can't stop thinking about that if it wasn't my car accident they'd married, and it was my fault. When I woke up, I got happy..." She cries hard."Because they didn't get married. I can't stop thinking about all the times I wished they broke up, that I wished she loved me the way she loved him! I didn't want him to-" By now she is crying and sobbing wildly.

"Stop!" Judy says firmly as she recovers from the initial shock. "Stop right there, it was not your fault okay? The accident, his death, none of this was your fault!"

Quinn wipes her tears and stares at her mother.

"Now, I believe we have something to discuss." The older woman says more calmly. "You said you're in love with Rachel… Are you sure?"

"I was going to the wedding mom to be there for her. That's how much I love her."

"Oh God… I can't…" The woman puts her hand on her forehead and rubs it slightly, she is still dazed. "Are you gay?"

This time it was Quinn who gets dazed. The blonde girl takes a deep breath as to prepare herself. She is pondering her options.

"I'm not going to kick you out."

With that, Quinn breathes a sigh of relief.

"Before Santana and I… uh… Anyway, I would say that all I knew was that I loved Rachel."

"What about you and Santana?" Judy asks naïvely and Quinn's eyes go wide.

"We…uh… we…" Quinn tries out. Realization hits the older Fabray. Santana is the gay friend, the gay friend who dated Brittany, the other gay friend. She is gay. Quinn is gay…

"Oh my God! Okay… yeah…" The woman stands up and starts pacing on the room. "This makes everything more real, I guess."

"Not necessarily, with S, I was actually just experimenting."

"Too much information honey."

"Oh shit. Yeah, sorry. I meant that I thought I had got over Rachel and I needed to see if it was just her or if…"

"And…"

"I liked it." She drops her eyes. "But it doesn't matter anyway; I'm still in love with her." Judy nods.

"I'm going to need some help." The blonde woman informs thoughtful.

"What for?" Quinn frowns.

"Well, I'm planning to be a good mother here Quinn. I have no idea how to handle this. You'll have to understand that this is very new and difficult to me. But I'm going to be there for you, as I should have been when you got pregnant. I want to..."

Before she can finish Quinn throws herself into her mother's arms. She hugs her mother as tighter as she manages, and Judy does the same, tears running down on both their faces.

"Thank you! I love you mom."

"I love you too Quinnie."

* * *

_**Back At Yale…**_

"It was my hint." Kurt says smiling.

They are on the floor leaning their backs on Quinn's bed. Shoulder to shoulder. Emptying a carton of ice cream as Quinn was telling everything that happened between her and her mother a month ago.

"What?"

"My dad said he met Judy one of these days. I believe he said, quote 'I didn't even know she knew that much about Rachel' unquote, so that was my hint."

"How that was your hint?"

"I remembered when I met Blaine. I couldn't stop talking about him." He eats more ice cream as Quinn watches him waiting for his explanation. "My dad told me one day. Kurt, son, I love you but please, I'm tired of you talking about this Blaine boy. I feel like I know everything about him." He giggles and places the carton on his side on the floor.

"Oh…" She smiles. "Yeah, I kind of gave my mom the whole Rachel Berry biography, probably too much detailed."

"But that actually made me wonder. What really made me figure everything out was David."

"David?"

"Karofsky."

She frowns slightly, trying to figure out what Karofsky has to do with her situation.

"By the way, sorry about that day, remember when he tried you know… I said you didn't know what pain was. It was stupid of me, it just that sometimes I look at you and all I see is this girl, the perfect blonde princess. You're so much more than that Quinn…" He sighs.

"I guess God agreed with you as you know… my car accident." She says playfully. He shivers all over his body.

"Don't joke with that. I was wrong, you went through I lot of pain. I thought I was in the place to judge you because I was the one who really suffered, I was arrogant to think that having a baby and giving her away was a walk in the park for you, that being kicked out of your own home wasn't a fucking big deal!" He cries out. "I might have suffered because I'm gay, but I have a perfect dad who cares about me and supports me and accepts me and loves me the way I am." He shakes his head rather angrily. "I'm so sorry Quinn. I love you, I couldn't lose you." He puts his arms around her and she rests her head on his shoulder.

"I love you too Kurt."

They remain silent for a while.

"What about David?" She asks.

"David used to bully me, remember?" She nods. "He kissed me." She pulls away and stares at him. "We were arguing." He continues. "When out of nowhere he forcefully kissed me. I was in shock for a moment." He sighs remembering that day. "Then he started threatening me and the rest you know."

"You left us."

"It's a way to see it." He says playfully. "I got closer to Rachel at that time. She knew something was going on with me. Do you think she could relate with what I was going through?" He arches an eyebrow and stares at her suggestively.

"What do you mean?"

"That you were to Rachel what David was to me."

"I… yeah I was a bitch to her I know but…" Kurt stares fiercely at her. "I bullied her, I know. But it was different."

"How so?"

"She tried... She… Rachel chased Finn when I was dating him!" She says upset, frowning slightly.

"Oh yeah right. You wanted her to chase you."

"I'm serious Kurt."

"So am I. Rachel was stronger than me. I just ran away. She always believed in..." He freezes. Of all the things that crossed his mind that fateful day, one of them was why Rachel wanted Quinn to be there so badly. The blonde never made a point of hiding her discontent over that wedding (and now he knows why), but what about Rachel? Why was it so important Quinn's presence? Sure, they were friends, but still…

Maybe there is a difference between their relationship and his relationship with David, does Rachel has feelings for Quinn? Like something more than just a platonic love?

"What?"

"Hm?"

"You were saying…"

"You." He smiles. "She always believed in you."

"I know. And she never gave up on us. She has been always there for me. And that's why I decided to go to the wedding. I needed to be there for her too."

"She needs you now."

"It's different."

"It's not. You're her friend and she needed you. You weren't there. But you can make amends, I'm sure she will welcome you with open arms, she is Rachel Berry after all." He says with affection.

"The problem is that I will always want more."

"That's not a problem. She is single, you're single. You're single right?"

She giggles amused.

"Yes I am." But then something hits her and she starts crying again.

"What's wrong?" Kurt asks concerned.

"I didn't date anyone after him, since we broke up junior year. I just made out with Puck and hooked up with Santana and I went out on casual dates but…"

"Come here." He hugs her again. "If I remember well, there was a certain professor…" he smiles. "Santana told me."

"I wouldn't call that dating though."

"Bygones my dear."

"About Rachel being single, I don't know if you know it but she is a girl and I'm a girl and that's just not how the world works."

"I would say so. I mean you're totally right. But you know what? had you told me you were in love with Mercedes I would tap your backs and say, yep never gonna happen as Mercedes is as gay as I am straight. But…" He trails off playfully.

"What?" She asks eagerly.

"Eager, much?"

"Kurt do you miss HBIC Quinn?"

"Okay get it, straight to the point. It's different with Rachel."

"Why so?"

"Rachel wouldn't be opposite to the idea of dating a girl as you so pointed out. Come on, how many times that girl has done something extremely gay?"

"Like what?" Quinn asks curious and he smirks.

_**Flashback:**_

"_Why are you staring at her legs?" He says as Rachel gasps on her seat, startled._

"_My Barbra! You scared the shit out of me! And what are you talking about?"_

"_Quinn, you were staring at her legs. Are you trying to conjure a spell or something? Oh my God! Do you want her to break her legs? I mean literally?"_

"_Don't be ridiculous why would I want to break such beautiful legs? I mean have you seen her thighs?" She says as she licks her lips._

"_Yeah sure, why would I notice Quinn Fabray's thighs… wait a minute." He narrows his eyes at her. "Why would YOU notice it?"_

"_Kurt, is perfectly normal for us females to appreciate the others females' bodies."_

"_Okay. I'll have to google it later."_

_He turns to Mercedes, forgetting about what just happened._

_**Now:**_

Now he remembered it, and he is not a dumb sixteen years old boy anymore and yeah right Rachel, it's perfect normal to stare at another girl's legs. Drooling though is another story.

"Like stare at your legs in those sinful skirts you used to wear when you were a cheerio. Oh God! Sophomore Rachel was so gay!" He shakes his head amused.

"But, this doesn't mean… and… what about… what does it has to do with me?"

"I can't tell you much more."

"What? Oh no! You can, and you will!"

"Would you like me to expose you like that? Would you like me to go back to New York now and just say everything, and tell Rachel how you feel about her?"

She shrugs.

"But… what does it mean?"

"Never mind…"

"What can you say that is so personal? It's not like she has feelings for me or something…"

He smirks and turns his attention to the ice cream again.

"Kurt? Does Rachel? But she always loved him." She frowns thoughtful.

"Yes." He nods.

"You're playing with my feelings here Kurt."

"All I want you to do Fabray is to come with me to New York to visit the friends you've been neglected and stop hiding. Stop hiding who you truly are, I'm not asking you to join the gay parade or something, just be yourself and please stop punishing yourself."

"I don't know if I can see Rachel right now. This is not just about my guilty." He huffs petulantly. "I know it was silly." She waves holds her hand up. "But I'm working on it, I mean since mom and I talked. I'm a lot better. It's just that I don't know if I can't handle seeing her sad and being completely impassive, you know what I mean. I'm afraid I won't be capable of hiding my feelings for her."

"That's good. Don't hide it anymore. You shouldn't have hidden it in the first place, regardless of Finn and..."

"Kurt… it's not that easy. This is the kind of thing that changes everything." She cuts him off.

"Rachel is okay now, I promise you. Anyway...Okay, following your line of reasoning, you say how you feel." She nods and he goes on. "Then she breaks things with you, like she stops being your friend or something?" He arches his eyebrows. "Does that sound like something Rachel would do?" She shakes her head bashful. "Come with me Quinn. It's Friday."

He pouts playfully.

"You can always say you went to New York for shopping." A smirk spreads across his face. "When in reality all you wanted was to make sure nobody was going to see your woman's boobs."

She blushes profusely.

"Kurt! Santana has been a terrible influence over you. I can tell."

"Speaking of Santana... She and Rachel are hanging out a lot lately; you know for experience that Santana can be very persuasive, and she broke up with Dani. You know… if I'm slightly right, I don't think Rachel would be opposite to a little bit of experimenting as you so named it." He teases her.

"I'm going to pack." Quinn stands up quickly and Kurt giggles amused and happy, he is relieved that he managed to fix things, or at least to start fixing things, now he just need to get in New York in time or Rachel will kill him.

* * *

**don't be shy i wanto to know what you're thinking :)**

**so what do you guys think? does Rachel's heart still belongs to Finn? **

**next Rachel! finally!**


	3. Rachel

Hey guys! Bad news fist: my lap top just let me down, I'm almost two weeks unable to write :( it sucks! Plus I just found out I have Asperger syndrome and it sucks even more because writing faberry helps with my anxiety.

The good news: I wrote this chapter before and my beta just sent it to me, so here I am on my bother's computer late in the night just to post it :) unfortunately the chapter 4 is going to take a little longer as well as my others fics updates in case you're reading them too. I'll be back soon, hopefully.

* * *

**_Somewhere in the past..._**

"What are you up to Mr. Finn Hudson?"

"Nothing. Just want to share something with you."

Finn opens the car door and gets out of his truck. He walks around the car toward the passenger's door; he opens it as he wants Rachel to get out too. They are parked on the highway. It's a warm and beautiful day, and as soon as Rachel steps out of the car she takes in the sight of the biggest star of all. The sun is going down and the sky is a wonderful mix of colors.

"Though I can't complain as the view is amazing in here, do you have a particular reason to stop here?"

"This is my favorite spot. You know, to watch the sunset."

Rachel frowns surprised.

"Before you say something, no, I don't come here to think or anything, like writers or other people might do."

She nestles her face on his chest muffling her giggles.

"Bet I scared you right?" He hugs her from behind as he leans on his truck.

"Of course not." She looks up smiling from ear to ear.

"Yeah right, anyway. Isn't it beautiful?" He looks forward at the sunset.

"Yeah it is. Why haven't you brought me here before?"

"I don't know, I think I never had the chance." He kisses the top of her head.

"This is very romantic you know? Are you trying to seduce me?"

"That depends, is it working?"

"Finn!" She nudges him.

"How many girls have you brought here?"

"Just Quinn." He taps his forehead. "I mean…"

She pulls away and looks at him narrowing her eyes playfully and for his surprise she doesn't seem to be upset.

"I should be upset. But I'm not."

"Really?" He asks skeptically.

"That's what we call growing up. I know weeks ago I was freaking out because some prom posters but anyway, I know you love me and…" she trails off playfully as she lifts their joined hands up and kisses the back of his hand fondly. "We're going to get married!"

"Right." He nods with a melancholic smile and Rachel doesn't see his thoughtful face.

"Besides I bet she looked breathtaking. I mean with this perfect view and her perfect…" She smiles genuinely. "Everything… she must have been gorgeous."

"What you're talking about?" He squeezes her sweetly.

"Was that day as beautiful as today?" She continues absentmindedly. She is lost in thoughts of the sunlight reflecting into hazel orbs and golden hair making the sun jealous.

"What day?" Finn asks confused and she finally comes out of her reveries.

"The day you brought Quinn here."

"Oh… yeah. That's why I stopped. It was actually an unplanned thing. She was a little upset. She was pregnant." He explains reviving that day somehow. "I thought it could soothe her a little, you know Quinn."

Rachel nods amused.

"Did it help?"

"Yes. She said she loved it but she got very thoughtful, I guess she is the kind of people who likes to think."

"Yes she is. She is very smart. You know, she is an Ivy League girl now."

They laugh, both prideful of their mutual friend. There are moments in life that asks for silence and contemplation, and so this is what they do, they remain silent just enjoying each other and contemplating the sight in front of them.

Rachel will never forget this day.

* * *

She was healing, of course it wasn't and it won't be easy for her. He was one of the most important people in her life. She literally has no words to describe what Finn Hudson was to her. He was a giant; he was so big, wasn't he? And so softhearted, a little clueless yes, he was and she used to think it was cute, that is, sometimes most of the times it just annoyed her. But she loved him, flaws included.

If someone had asked her to choose one word that could elucidate, to enlighten what her relationship with the boy was going to be she would chose infinity again. Because she has no doubt that she was going to love the boy forever. If they were going to work as a couple is another story.

They had different priorities in their lives; Finn was happy and content at the prospect of staying in Lima. Rachel wants to shine on Broadway, in New York and maybe the world, why not? She has always wanted everything too much. That's why maybe she had this unresolved thing in her life.

Something she thought she left in high school but in reality has been haunting her to this very the person who haunt her is actually pretty much alive, and now that Rachel doesn't have Finn anymore she thinks it will only get worst.

Rachel Berry talked to Finn Hudson for the first time on sophomore year and in that very day she found out the boy was dating none other than the president of the celibacy club, the pretty blonde cheerleader, Quinn Fabray.

Well, Quinn happened to be just one of her biggest tormentors and that was way before Rachel started chasing her boyfriend. Rachel fell in love with F inn. Quinn got pregnant. Rachel gave her panties to the school pervert because of FINN. She helped FINN find a job and be a good father.

She sang "keep holding" on to FINN. She asked what it was like to kiss Quinn because she was jealous and she wanted to know if FINN still had real feelings for the blonde. She chose that corsage on junior prom because she was helping FINN. She wrote "get it right" thinking about FINN and now she is thinking about Quinn because of Finn right? She thinks it so weird that since the whole memorial thing the girl has become so distant.

Should she be resigned that Quinn isn't going to be part of her future? After everything they went through? Fights, name callings, the slap, and a car accident, they managed to overcome all this to put it all away?

She is scared. She is afraid of losing Quinn, that's the truth. Basically, she is still trying to figure out what made her do that though Quinn's aloofness is proving that she made the right choice. It was like high school again. She felt so small, so inappropriate, and she didn't even know why that scene bothered her so much.

She was making a surprise; she was finally visiting her friend. Quinn didn't know she was going to Yale, and that was okay because she had the blonde's address and it couldn't be that complicated to find it and in fact it wasn't too much difficult to find the dorms' building. Although she wished she never had found it. She caught sight of familiar blonde hair and froze.

He was very charming and she needed to leave.

* * *

"It's okay Blaine hopefully there'll be other opportunities. You mother needed you there, I understand it. What I don't understand is why Kurt is taking so long." She sighs. "Are you sure he didn't tell you anything?" She nods her head as Blaine reassures her that Kurt didn't give him any detail of his sudden trip, which is true. Kurt just said she was visiting a friend and that he is going to explain everything when he returns. "Okay, I've got to go now."

She hangs up and tilts her head up to look at the beautiful, sexy, hot girl making her makeup, too much for a so called straight girl? Well, it's not her fault that Santana is so damn hot and that she is currently a few inches away from her face.

She is pretty sure she is not totally straight anyway, that is, if it's normal staring at another girl's ass and abs and breasts… she even has a type, you know, just in case. Blonde, she likes blondes.

"Do you know something I don't know?" She focuses on her concerns instead of Santana's lips.

"I know lot of things you don't know; now stop moving or you'll ruin my work. I mean I should win a prize." She gestures to Rachel. "You're actually looking good."

"Do you really think I'm that bad? I mean yeah I know you used to call me Rupaul but…" She shrugs.

Santana sighs soundly.

"Rachel, I can't believe I'm going to say this…" She grimaces; the truth is that since Finn's death she has gotten a little less bitchy toward her friends at least.

Santana cared about him, actually she loved him. She loves all of her crazy and silly friends and of course she loved Brittany more than anything, and she thinks that she always will, but Rachel is a very important person in her life right now.

"No, I don't think that. That was the reason why we picked on you so much. Yes, you were hot material." She shrugs in a Santana's way. "Had no sense of fashion and you were freaking annoying, but you were hot in high school that's for sure. You're looking even better now if I might add."

Rachel giggles shyly.

"You are very beautiful Rachel." Santana says sincerely.

"Thanks." Rachel smiles and she goes back to her task.

"Oh, and I really don't know what Kurt is doing." She lies lamely, earning a serious glare from Rachel. "Okay, fine he is in New Haven."

"He is where?" Rachel shouts, standing abruptly.

"Why? What happened? Is Quinn okay? Tell me!" Rachel says panicking.

"He is just visiting and that's all I know."

Rachel sits down again, regaining her composure. They remain silent for a moment.

"I was going to invite her, but I figured she wouldn't be interested."

"What do you mean?"

"She's been distant and I don't know maybe it's me." She shrugs her shoulders. "I'm glad you and I are friends though."

"Yeah me too, but…" Santana frowns. "Are you telling me that you think Quinn is not your friend?" Santana is a little disbelieving; she can't understand why Rachel would doubt her and Quinn's friendship. She was there when Quinn gave up her crown just to make Rachel prom queen.

If she didn't believe at the time that Quinn only did that because she was making amends with Rachel or because she wanted to change things in the school's hierarchy, now with Kurt's theory though Santana believes there was another reason.

"It's complicated; I'm not saying she is purposely backing away. I'm just saying that she has no reason to..."

"To what Rachel? Be your friend?" Rachel nods. "Rachel, is not like that. I'm sure she has a reason as to why she's been so distant.

"Yeah sure. He really must be charming."

"Who?"

"Nevermind. Let's just finish up here."

* * *

"Don't you think we should take my stuff to your place first?"

"What? No, we have no time for that. Rachel is going to kill me if I..." He stops talking, grabs her elbow and drags her along. "You'll see."

It's all he says as Quinn kept rolling her suitcase as she tries to keep up with Kurt's pace.

"Okay." She huffs.

"Quit the attitude Fabray, you'll thank me later." He takes his phone and sees how late he is.

"Fuck!" She gasps surprised. She had never seen Kurt curse before. "She is really going to kill me."

They are already in New York and Kurt should be in a certain place doing the makeup of a certain diva. Kurt manages to hale a taxi and so they head to their destination

Moments later, they arrive at the destination, a night club.

"What are we doing here?" Quinn asks as soon as they get out of the taxi.

"You would know if you weren't too busy pushing your friends away."

"Are you going to tell me or not?" She snorts.

"I don't want to ruin the surprise."

Once again he takes his phone, tries to call Rachel and gets nothing. Then he tries to call Santana, also gets nothing. He sighs frustrated and walks toward the ticket office.

"Let's buy your ticket." He already has one as Rachel arranged it and of course he kept it with him. After the purchase they get inside. The place is already full and it's kind of difficult for Quinn to move around with her suitcase. Kurt barely contains his laugh when she accidentally hits a girl.

"Congrats you hit on a girl. Just don't let Rachel find out or she won't like it."

"It's not funny; I might have crushed her foot."

"Oh come on, look the way she looked at you, actually she's still looking." He teases. "I can't blame her though even I can see the appeal." He checks her out. "Oh!" He beams excitedly. "Blaine has a thing for you." He puts his hand on his chest happy as if she is telling him the gossip of the year.

"Okay." She chuckles. "Isn't he gay? And I don't know, your fiancé?"

"So? He thinks you're beautiful, but anyone with eyes can see that. So…" He looks around. "Do you want something to drink?" He offers.

"I don't know if it is a good idea moving with this." She points down.

"I can take..." He stops mid sentence as the lights on the stage indicates that the presentation will start. A man gets on the stage and takes the microphone.

"Having a good night everybody? Okay so, let's get this night started shall we? Tonight, presenting us with her powerful voice…" He trails off for show. "Rachel Berry!"

Quinn turns and stares at Kurt with her mouth wide open. The fashionable boy smiles at her and then turns her eyes to the stage; Rachel is going to sing after all. The lights are off, suddenly the distinct sound of the piano is echoing through the place. A keyboard actually, Quinn notices as the light cannon illuminates it and the person playing it. Then Quinn is enthralled, when did Rachel learn to play like that? She knows for sure that the girl wasn't that good as she knows how to play herself and then Rachel starts singing to her utter delight and she has to admit that she really has missed Rachel's voice.

The drum joins in.

_I've been ignoring this big lump in my throat I shouldn't be crying, tears were for the weak._

_The days I'm stronger, know what, so I say._

_That's something missing._

_Whatever it is, it feels like it's laughing at me. _

_Through the glass of a two-sided mirror. _

_Whatever it is, it's just laughing at me._

_I just wanna scream._

The band follows suit as she takes the microphone from the base and goes to the center of the stage and Quinn can see her outfit. Actually, she was kind of drooling. Once upon a time she thought Rachel looked sexy when they were going to sing that Bon Jovi song in Glee.

Now? Well, now she has no words. Rachel cut her hair a bit. It's more like a little bit passed the shoulder length now, it has curls and it's wild. Her stylish short nails were black, just like her leather jacket.

_What now?_

_I just can't figure it out._

_What now?_

_I guess I'll just wait it out._

_What now?_

_Ooh..._

_What now?_

Quinn doesn't know when she started moving; all she knows is that she wants to get closer. She leaves her suitcase behind and walks toward the stage, toward those mesmerizing brown orbs.

"Where are you going?" Kurt asks but then he catches sight of a familiar person at the bar and goes toward her, taking Quinn's suitcase with him.

_I found the one, he changed my life._

_But was it me that changed._

_He just happened to come at the right time._

_I'm supposed to be in love._

_But I'm not mugging._

_Yes, she is trying to figure out._

She's been trying for a while now. She was supposed to be in love. She was supposed to get married not typing messages. Once upon a time she almost lost that one thing she has ever wanted, but was never brave enough to admit it. How could she? Quinn would have laughed in her face.

_Whatever it is, it feels like it's laughing at me. _

_Through the glass of a two-sided mirror. _

_Whatever it is, it's just sitting there laughing at me._

_And I just wanna scream_

She loved him, but he wasn't the love of her life. That was a fallacy. Is it Quinn? She doesn't know and it doesn't matter anyway. Quinn is far away now, not just physically. All she wants is for Quinn to be happy, with Puck, or that Yale guy, she wants her happiness above all things.

Rachel knew it was going to get worse now that she doesn't have Finn as her justification. As her easy escape. She doesn't want to think about Quinn that much. Now for example, she is even hallucinating, because she is pretty sure Quinn is in New Haven and not a few feet away from her trying to get close to the stage but the crowd is a persistent barrier.

_What now?_

_I just can't figure it out_

_What now?_

_I guess I'll just wait it out_

_What now?_

_What now? _

_Please, tell me_

Quinn is aware that she is now one of those annoying people in concerts who try to get in the front by shoving everyone else. But in the moment their eyes lock onto each other she just turns off everything else, she just keeps going forward.

_There's no one to call cause_

_I'm just playing games with them all_

_The most where I'm happy, the more that I'm feeling alone_

_Cause I spent every hour just going through the motions_

_I can't even get the emotions to come out_

_Dry as a bomb, but I just wanna shout_.

It is hard to keep her performance with those hazel eyes staring back at her. Is that guy really checking out Quinn's ass? She is very close to impersonate Santana and go all Lima heights on him, but Quinn is smiling at her, and she can't think about anything else. Right, sing, she is singing.

_What now?_

_I just can't figure it out_

_What now?_

_I guess I'll just wait it out_

_What now?_

_Somebody tell me_

_What now?_

_I don't know where to go_

_I don't know what to feel_

_I don't know how to cry_

_I don't know ow ow why_

_I don't know where to go_

_I don't know what to feel_

_I don't know how to cry_

_I don't know how or why_

_I don't know where to go_

_I don't know what to feel_

_I don't know how to cry_

_I don't know how or why_

_So what now?_

Rachel finishes the song, they smile at each other and she winks at Quinn. The blonde might have flustered a little because of that.

"Hi everybody, I'm Rachel Berry and I hope you guys have a good time tonight! Hit it!"

After she sang lots of songs she announces that the show is almost over, but she has time for one more song.

"So, after I threw a party in my house that didn't end up very well…" She looks at Quinn, smirking. "I promised I wasn't going to drink anymore." She grimaces playfully. "But… I was just a little girl. Now, I'm old enough to driiiink!"

She shouts and gestures to one of the Roadies; he brings her a shot of tequila.

Rachel takes the glass and drinks everything in one motion. She coughs and grimaces as the liquid descends like a cascade of fire on her throat.

"Hit it!" She shouts on the microphone.

_I saw her dancing there by the record machine,_

_I knew she must have been about seventeen. _

_The beat was going strong_

_Playing my favorite song..._

Quinn can't help but get a little cocky; the goddess on the stage just winked at her and is now singing directly to her? And, did she change the lyrics or did she just imagine it?

_I love Rock 'N Roll_

_So put another dime in the jukebox, Baby_

_I love Rock N' Roll_

_So come and take your time and dance with me_

Oh God… She tries to calm down, although Rachel is not helping at all as she goes down moving her hips, never stop singing and slightly tipsy. The brunette had a couple of beers before the tequila shot.

The singer finishes the song, says her thanks and goes toward the backstage. Quinn turns, looking for Kurt, but the boy is nowhere to be found. She calls him.

"Where are you?" She asks as soon as he picks up the phone.

"_Rachel's dressing room. I found Santana on the bar and we came here before the last song. Do you know how to get here?"_

"Of course I don't. Where's my suitcase by the way?"

"_It's with me. And don't worry I'm going to get you."_

* * *

"Quinn is here? For a moment there I thought I was hallucinating."

Rachel says as she takes a bottle of water.

"You're not hallucinating; I'm going to take her."

She turns to Santana as Kurt walks away.

"Did you know she was coming?"

"No." Santana shakes her head. "Hey, you were amazing tonight."

"I have my moves." Rachel smiles from ear to ear. "Do you think we can sing together?"

"Nope, I'm a solo. I don't share my stage."

Rachel pouts playfully.

"Pretty please?"

"Just come here and hug me."

"You're drunk."

"I'm not."

They hug each other.

"Yeah right."

"I might have drank a little." Santana admits not a bit remorseful.

"How much?" Rachel asks as they are still into each other arms.

"Enough to do this." She cups Rachel's buttock and squeezes it playfully.

As soon as she enters in the room Quinn's brain doesn't process anything other than Santana's hand on Rachel's ass.

"I should know you were a whore." She says bitterly. The two brunettes pull away from each other.

"What are you talking about Q?" Santana inquires in a light tone.

"I thought you were my friend." She clenches her jaw, eyes avoiding Rachel's.

"Just calm your tits okay." She rolls her eyes and gets closer. "And I'm going to pretend you didn't call me that." She pokes Quinn's shoulder.

"Don't tou-"She pokes Santana's shoulder too, only a little bit forcefully."-ch me."

"You don't touch me." Santana pushes Quinn's shoulder.

"What are you guys doing?" Kurt interjects.

"Yeah, what is going on here?" Rachel stares at both of them.

"Nothing. Fucking bitch thinks she can be all bitch over me. Just because she is fucking jealous-"

Before she can do anything, Quinn pushes her hard and she hits the all roughly. She launches herself toward the blonde and their bodies' crash into each other.

It is like high school again, Kurt thinks as he rolls his eyes. How do they manage to have sex?

_Ew! Why am I thinking about it?_

"I'll take Quinn." He says to Rachel who is about to protest, _why do I get Satan?_ He thinks, but the situation is far too extreme for that. She wraps her arms around Santana's waist and pulls her away from Quinn. Kurt does the same with the blonde.

"Let go of me Kurt!" She fights him. "Bitch!" She shouts at Santana.

"Puta!"

"Hey!" Rachel glares at her.

"Sorry." Santana looks down at Rachel's eyes. "She started it." Quinn eyes go wide at the display of affection in front of her. She breaks free from Kurt and gets out of the room.

"Quinn?" Rachel tries out. "Where is she going?" Rachel inquires as she stares at Kurt.

"I don't know you should go after her, she will listen to you." He says to Rachel but his eyes are on Santana.

"Don't look at me! I didn't start it."

"Yeah."

"Don't start you two too. What's happening today?" She walks toward the door.

"Where are you going?" Santana asks her.

"What do you think? I'm going after her."

_I'm always going after her._

She thinks as she leaves the room, to chase the blonde girl once again.

* * *

**So? I wonder If Pezberry interactions are going to be the same when Rachel finds out about Quinntana… poor Santana… just kidding, but Rachel won't accept it very well…**

**The song:**

**What now (by Rihanna) **


	4. always between us

**Sorry, sorry, sorry... I finally am able to write again now :) and i promise the next chapter is going to be long, but i hope you like this one.**

**I don't own glee. **

* * *

"Me? I didn't do anything! You were here you saw it." She shouts angrily.

"You didn't have to provoke her."

"In case you didn't notice Kurt, I do that all the time." She takes her purse and Rachel's and walks toward the door, Kurt following behind. "Anyway that wasn't the reason she was mad though... It had to be something else."

Kurt averts his eyes guiltily.

"Kurt?" She questions him with narrowed eyes.

"I may have put fuel on the fire when I said Rachel wouldn't be opposite to a little bit of experimenting and that you can be very persuasive."

"You think I can be very persuasive?" Santana arches her brow seductively as she gets closer to him.

"Back off." He pulls away terrified.

"Just kidding Lady Hummel, I know you're not actually a Lady." She smirks. "Although sometimes you do seem like one." She says playfully.

"I take offense in that."

"Well I take offense on the fact you turned my best friend against me."

"Oh come on, don't play the "I'm the victim card" You were hitting on Rachel, we both knew that."

"So what? I'm Santana Lopez. I'm a badass lady killer."

He looks over her shoulder and opens his eyes widely for good measure.

"Brittany?!" He pretends he is surprised as Santana turns around in one motion. He bursts into giggles, Santana furiously looking at him.

"Okay, sorry that was mean, Miss Badass Lopez.", He composes himself.

"Whatever, let's go find those two."

She walks away as Kurt can't contain his grin.

* * *

"Quinn!"

In reality she knows she would never get used to this sight, regardless of the circumstances. But ever since she came to the conclusion that she was in love with Rachel, she had started learning how to be around the brunette without making a fool of herself.

Senior year was all about that, how to be around Rachel keeping herself indifferent to her most basic instincts that were always craving for the brunette. Some days were more difficult than others, like Rachel hugging her on the wedding day; pulling away from that hug was more difficult than surviving the car accident.

Now here she is completely mesmerized by the sight in front of her. That's what she gets for staying away so long. Quinn thinks as her legs starts to pulling her closer to Rachel without her permission.

"Hi." Rachel says with a sheepish smile plastered on her face.

"I didn't know you were going to perform tonight." The taller girl states, eyes everywhere but on Rachel. _Why does she have to be this freaking beautiful? _She sighs, looking up, silently praying for help.

"Yeah… it was Santana's idea actually. It's a thing between us, an agreement we have. We made a deal after the fight. It's about stepping out of our comfort zone." Rachel smiles happily.

"Okay." Quinn says with a hint of melancholia in her tone.

"It was something very out of the blue but I could…" Rachel says and then pauses. "I could have called you, but I didn't know you would be willing to come here."

"Why wouldn't I?"

Rachel can't control herself, she laughs, she is not resentful or anything, it's just that is still hard for her to think that they are friends now.

"What is so funny?" Quinn asks as she frowns slightly.

"I haven't seen you in ages. I don't know anything about your life. I think you know why I would think that you wouldn't be interested in coming here."

She crosses her arms as if she trying to protect herself. When she is this close to Quinn she always feels a little vulnerable and insecure, but at the same time the blonde's presence was something she was always seeking for.

"You don't seem to be interested in coming to visit me. What have you done with that metro pass I gave you?"

Her heart skips a beat as she remembers. She can't tell the truth, what she should say? I used that metro pass, but I saw you kissing that stupid guy and ran away. No, she cannot say that, instead, Rachel blushes and drops her eyes.

"I was going to, but I thought you wouldn't- I don't know... Might not be available?"

"That's a lame excuse. What did you want Rachel? A formal invitation? I bought us those metro passes!" She raises her voice a little as she gets a little frustrated.

"I know, but…"

"But what? I thought you said we were friends."

"I know!" Rachel throws her hands in the air. "It's…" she exhales soundly. "Look, I might become a freaking tony winner and you'll still be…" She gestures toward Quinn.

"What?" The blonde asks curiously.

"Quinn Fabray." Rachel shrugs.

"That's a good thing. Since I'm Quinn Fabray." She smiles at the other girl as the tension that was surrounding them moments ago dissipates in a heartbeat.

"The pretty blonde cheerleader." Rachel completes.

"Oh…" Quinn sighs heavily. "I changed…" She says with a barely there voice.

"No, you don't get it. I know you changed. I was there seeing it happening. I told you at our prom, you are ... Oh forget it, I'm an idiot." She looks away.

"Let's do something from now on. Let's not assume anything and please any time you feel like visiting me, just do it."

"Okay." Rachel nods.

"Here they are!" Kurt says happily as he and Santana approach the pair.

"So, who is hungry?" Santana asks wrapping an arm around Rachel shoulders. "I say cheeseburgers "

"Rachel doesn't eat meat." Quinn says bitterly.

"I'll let her eat my fries." Santana turns to Rachel. "How good is that?"

"Spectacular." Rachel rolls her eyes.

"See?"

"Okay…" Kurt glares at his Latina friend and gets close to Quinn. "Let's go then, I am hungry too." He whispers in the blonde's ear. "Don't bother with her. She is doing it on purpose."

"I know."

* * *

Once they are settled on the restaurant Santana takes Quinn by the arm and asks her to follow her to the restrooms.

"Where are you guys going? Please don't tell me you guys are going to fight again? I still want an explanation for that by the way." Rachel asks concerned.

"We are not going to fight. Come on Quinn."

The blonde reluctantly follows her friend.

"What was that all about?" Santana asks as soon as they enter the bathroom.

"Old habits die hard? Instincts?"

"Bitchness?"

"Whatever." The blonde shrugs.

"Okay, the fight, no big deal. I mean… it's us." She pauses and breaths. "Moving on; I'm a bitch I know. Sometimes I'm difficult. But I'm hurt."

Quinn crosses her arms and leans her body on the sink. She knows what Santana is about to say.

"Why have you never told me? Okay, yeah I would probably tease you endless, but this is huge Quinn. So, I'm giving you the opportunity now, before I assume anything based on Kurt's theory." She looks at her friend seriously. Quinn knows Kurt's theory very well.

"Tell me."

"Remember when I came up with the manhands nick name?" Santana nods. "That was the first time I thought about her in a sexual way."

"You mean?"

"Exactly what you're thinking. I wanted to make her shut her mouth. Only I wanted to do that with my mouth."

"Wanky."

Quinn smiles slightly embarrassed.

"Remember when I told you guys about Yale?" Once again, Santana nods."Rachel told me Finn had proposed. That was the day I realized I was completely in love with her and she was never going to be mine."

The brunette remains silent, eyebrows furrowed as she is in deep concentration.

"Wow." She finally says.

"Yeah."

"Wait. When we… you know ...You were thinking about her weren't you?"

"No." She bites her lips nervously.

"Maybe? I mean… not the whole time."

"Okay. So, we're cool?"

"I guess. Sorry about that. I mean it's not ... I'm… I'm not her..."

"Girlfriend?"

"Yeah."

"Do you want to be?"

"Yeah but..." She whines, glazed eyes that aren't focusing on anything.

"But?"

"Nothing, I still want her, more than anything I've ever wanted."

"So?"

"It's complicated."

"No it's not. If you want her go for it."

"What if she doesn't want me back? It was easy before because I knew he was..." She stops mid sentence.

"Was going to be there."

The blonde nods.

"Between me and what I wanted."

"It's not your fault."

"Kurt told me the same."

"Because it's true."

"Yeah… well, it still hurts anyway." She wipes her tears.

"Hey." Santana gets close and hugs the blonde.

"Yeah, I'm emotional today it's Kurt's fault."

"Don't get used to this...Us hugging is freaking weird."

Quinn giggles loosely as they were still embraced.

"Guys?" Rachel gets inside unsure of what she is going to find. "Oh." She breathes a sigh of relief. "I was worried. Though I don't know." She frowns. "I think I'm even more concerned now. Are you guys okay?" She teases.

"Yeah." Quinn answers right away.

"Come on. Dani wants to meet Quinn." Rachel beams excitedly.

"So I'm finally going to meet your girlfriend?"

"Not my girlfriend. We are on a break." She says matter of fact.

"Okay then. My loyalty is with Britt anyway." Quinn teases her friend as she winks playfully at Rachel.

* * *

They get back to their table where Kurt is talking to Dani.

"I'm hungry." Santana states demandly.

"Okay Ma'am." Dani says playfully to Santana stopping in her tracks when she notices Quinn for the first time.

Despite that annoying feeling in her guts, the one she recognizes very well as she knows she is a very jealous person - or is just Quinn who brings up this side of her? After all, all the times she felt it Quinn was involved in some way – she can relate with what Dani is feeling now. She felt it. The first time she laid her eyes on Quinn Fabray.

"Wow! You must be Quinn? Right?" She offers her hand to the other blonde.

"Yes I am." Quinn shakes their now joined hands.

"I mean, they kept saying you were the Yale friend and I wasn't expecting, you... I mean you're just..."

Quinn arches her brow and Rachel recognizes that expression pretty well.

_Oh poor Dani you're making a fool of yourself._

The future Broadway star thinks with a smirk on her face. She almost felt sorry for the girl...Almost!

"Although I get what you're saying Dani and Quinn is...Stunningly beautiful, but you have to know that she is so much more than that." Rachel emphasizes and Quinn looks over her shoulder, smiling sweetly at the shorter girl.

"I'm hungry." Rachel says effectively changing the topic of the conversation.

Kurt stares at Quinn with a glimpse of a smirk on the corner of his lips. She shakes her head amused as they sit and start talking about the events of the night.

* * *

"I suppose that now that you guys are okay, you'd like to sleep with Santana, right?" Rachel says matter of fact, as if deep down she isn't wishing that Quinn chooses her.

"No way. I'm not sharing my bed with anyone. Except if there will be some sex involved." She looks inquiring at Quinn.

"Yeah sure." Quinn disdain.

"No sex, no bed." Santana teases.

"I'll be happy on the floor."

"You mean my bed Quinn. I would never let you sleep on the floor. I just said that because I thought you would be more comfortable with her as you guys were used to it...I mean with being on the cheerios together and cheer camp and stuff but I'll be more than happy to have you in my bed." She shakes her head. "I mean… I'd be happy if you slept with me. No! uh… you know." She huffs frustrated with herself and slightly embarrassed.

"Jeez! It's just sleeping Rachel. You guys are not going to fuck or anything." Santana steps in and of course she makes Rachel blush.

"Thank you for escalating the situation Santana." Quinn says sarcastically.

"I was just trying to help." She raises her hands in surrender though Quinn was pretty sure she was smirking.

* * *

After she prepared to sleep, Quinn finds herself laying on Rachel's bed and her mind goes into overdrive.

_Just calm down… You'll be okay...You're just going to be in the same bed as Rachel...No big deal Fucking Santana! _

Quinn's thoughts are interrupted as she sees Rachel walking toward the bed.

Where are the juvenile pajamas when you need them?

_Hello Rachel's legs or shall I say my greatest temptation? Wow okay get a grip Fabray! _

Rachel gets settled on the bed and is now leaning on her elbow facing Quinn.

"Do I have a contagious disease or something?"

"Wha...What?" Quinn looks at her but she keeps her body still.

"You're acting like a mummy. All motionless and straight. Do you sleep like that?"

Even though she is surprised Quinn can see that Rachel is only teasing her as she is smiling happily.

"What if I do?"

"Well, that's most likely to be the case. You are always so controlled all the time like a statue. A Greek statue."

"You mean I'm not human? Thanks." She turns to face Rachel more appropriately now.

"You know that Greek statues are representations of goddesses right?"

"So, now I'm a goddess? I'm still not human…"

She pouts playfully and Rachel giggles.

"Sometimes I doubt that." She says with her big smile plastered on her face.

"I suppose it's because I was a bitch in the past."

"No…" She lifts her hand and tugs the blonde's hair behind Quinn's ear.

"It's because you're inhumanly beautiful."

They lock their eyes and remain silent for what seems to be an eternity.

"What am I saying? I think I'm sleepy." She says and forces a laugh.

"Yeah, I bet you're tired."

"Good night."

"Good night." Quinn gets back to her previously position.

"See? You're doing it again."

"What?"

"Are you not comfortable? Is it the mattress?"

"No, I'm okay really."

"I see... I know what's your problem."

"Uh…"

_Oh God! She figured it out? How? Calm down Fabray… It's impossible._

Quinn panics.

"You're ticklish."

"Huh?" The blonde breathes a sigh of relief.

"That's why you're always so rigid. You're protecting yourself."

Quinn bursts out into laugh.

"Oh my God! What? Where did you get this theory?"

"My daddy." Rachel says smiling from ear to ear.

"That's Hiram right?"

"You remember?"

"Of course."

" He is right by the way."

"What you mean?" Quinn asks naively failing to see Rachel's smirk.

Without warning Rachel starts tickling Quinn in which she immediately tries to avoid the brunette's assaults.

"Okay, okay, okay, you won I am ticklish, now please stop!"

Rachel keeps her assaults laughing loosely as she gets almost on top of the blonde.

"Rachel I'm serious. I get out of control." She holds both Rachel's hands."I almost broke Puck's nose once."

"Oh no." Rachel stops and places her hand on her nose.

"Not my nose."

"Wise decision." Quinn says smiling. "What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Are you ticklish?" This time is Quinn turn to attack Rachel.

Sometime in the middle of their silly fight Rachel's shirt lifts a little and when Quinn is about to start another round of tickles on Rachel's ribs she sees it...

Rachel's tattoo.

"You got a tattoo?" Rachel stops laughing and pulls her shirt down.

"Yeah, they don't know." She says in a low voice and Quinn nods ever so slightly.

"Let's go to sleep okay?" She says and this time Rachel nods.

"Good night Quinn."

"Good night Rachel."

She wasn't jealous or anything. How can she be? It was a good reminder actually. He is always going to be there, between her and what she wants the most.

* * *

**The next one will be longer ok? **

**next: Dani has a big mouth, stupid boyfriend happened for reason and the "right" version of Quick :)**


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